LIFE’s LIKE THAT
The other day while i was driving my son to his music class wading through never-ending traffic jams, a thought came to mind which soon gripped me with unusual intensity. I thought the traffic on the road was so much similar to our lives. When we have to go somewhere we usually start without any doubt and worry in our minds and don’t even spare a thought about what if we do not manage to reach our intended destination in the given time. In fact we start with almost a deathly certainty about the fruition of our plan. Maybe the confidence stems from the fact that we know exactly where we have to go, have enough time to reach there, have a good roadworthy vehicle at our disposal and also know the road leading to our destination. Most of the times it is not even within the realm of our imagination that reaching our destination is not just about a road worthy vehicle or us knowing the route and having started at the right time, but it is also about a lot of other factors which are absolutely beyond our control. Little do we know that as soon as we hit the highway or the main road we might have to change the route that we had in mind when we started due to absolutely non navigable, impenetrable traffic, or diversions because of some on-going infrastructure project or a VIP movement, or simply because some civic agency has again dug up the recently re-laid road. As a natural corollary, in most cases this imposed change of route would instantaneously rob us of the benefit of having started well in time. Hereinafter, reaching the destination would entirely depend upon how fast one can accept the change in circumstances, think through the issue at hand, sometimes out of the box, find an alternate route and then drive as fast as one can without of course jeopardizing safety in general. In the course of doing so, sometimes one might have to change lanes in utter disregard of the rules, take turns that one might not be familiar with or are not allowed as per traffic rules and may also have to jump an orange or a red light. Life is also like that....one has to constantly accept, innovate, adapt and keep moving on if one has to find one’s chosen destination. If we get stuck to one particular route, we might end up getting stuck at that one place for an unreasonably long time and reach our destination much later, which in some cases could be absolutely futile. Like a flash of tightening it occurred to me at that very instant that a lot of us get stuck in the traffic of life because we don't want to jump even orange lights forget about red lights and take wrong turns. We don't want to jump lanes when it is not allowed or honk unnecessarily just because we are obsessed with ourselves and reaching our destination well in time without any regard for others on the road. However, people who are only focused on their destination and want to reach there on time might be willing to jump lights, take wrong turns and honk. At the end of the day where one ends up is not just about a road worthy vehicle or having started on time or knowledge about the route and clarity about the destination, but is also about the changes and choices that one has to make due to unforeseen circumstances. It also depends upon the appetite of that individual to reach the destination and the way his conscious speaks to him regarding making right and balanced choices. Many of us end up changing not only our routes but also prefer to change our destinations, than changing ourselves and the way we live and make choices.

Rising (sic) Standards for raising kids

Raising kids is not an easy task....everyone seems to say that. I was wondering the other day as to what has changed so drastically over the years that all of us are almost unanimously echoing the same sentiment and are intimidated by the sheer thought of raising kids. I cant recall my mother losing her sleep over us not doing our school work well or not playing well or not eating well or anything for that matter. She would deal with everything with a very cool head and if something was beyond her she would escalate it to my father and if that too didn't work they would let it go. Yeah they would LET IT GO....reposing their faith in us that in due course we will be able to see the logic and make course correction. Wow i must say they were a confident lot, chilled out and had unshakable faith in what they called their sanskaars. My parents would make their point very clear but if we were not amenable they would not make their or our lives miserable. My mother could actually move on...she can move on even now...and has a terrific temperament. She doesn't worry unnecessarily over things she does not have control over but it was clearly a recessive gene. I never felt any pressure but must admit that somehow had that inbuilt filter which i believe led most of us, the kids of that generation do things by and large, the way, our parents would have wanted us to, at least in the bigger and larger issues of life. I suffer from performance anxiety as a parent. I am dogged perennially with doubts about everything we do for them or don't do for them or are we doing the right thing or doing in adequate amount...hope we are not complicit in making wrong choices with them, are only some of the many doubts that refuse to leave me. I am bothered about what they eat, how they eat, how they talk, how they walk, how they sleep....etc etc....meaning just about everything about them. Poor guys ...is this my concern for them or is this something about me that needs to be taken seriously???I cant stop myself from worrying which by the way has become my most favoured hobby. The other day a very dear college friend was over and we were catching up in the real sense of the word may be after a decade. She was bewildered to see the new me.....she couldn't believe me getting so frazzled and be bothered about every small little detail about my kids. I am actually acutely aware of the potential that I have, to become a nuisance in my kids lives (hope I am not already one) and try my level best to keep away at least from a part of their lives. It is a tough call, in the past few months that i am trying to figure out the ways in which i can make myself useful for my kids (i know its very ambitious...but that's how i am, cant help it) and am trying to give almost all my time (whatever is left after sleeping, yapping with friends and just lazing around) i suspect i fail on daily basis. Phew... i thought being at home and being a stay at home mom was a cake walk.....and that too to two boys, one a full fledged teenager and the other almost there.....

After a really long break from blogging hopefully i should find motivation to reflect upon issues that are of relevance to me as a mother, citizen and of course as a human being, again hopefully an adequately responsible one. I think it is very evident that this break has made me a little unsure of myself....will talk about it later. Mother because that's the role i am almost obsessed with these days in my life. I want to reclaim my lost relevance, i have actually changed the course of my life because i wanted to be in the driving seat, firmly, as far as my role as a mother was concerned, which had taken a very back seat in my life because of various other commitments..... Am finding it really tough to get back where i had left as the kids have moved on. They are much older and since they are my kids, am not surprised, are very stubborn and have a mind of their own. Though i will of course expect someone else also to please come forward and share responsibility for their stubbornness and fiercely independent streak. I think its difficult for them to accept me after all these years, that too coming back with a vengeance to reclaim the authority what was once indisputably mine. It is of course difficult for anybody to concede what belongs to them especially when it happens to be their freedom, unmonitored freedom to take important decisions and also not to take them at all irrespective of their importance. Nonetheless i am here to stay and working towards regaining my lost glory or at least some of it. I have, it seems, lost relevance for my kids due to my mental absence from their lives these past few years. It looks like a lot of hard work convincing them that i can be of help to them and be useful in whatever they are trying to do and not a hindrance or an unnecessary stumbling block prone to asking too many questions. I am trying very hard to sell myself to them , trying to make myself relevant to them. I hope i have some good news to share on this front soon.